Wednesday, March 29, 2006

When's the captain coming back from work?

Another day of failed attempts to teach my younger son to do his business in the toilet. Today, instead of the normal announcement of his need AFTER he has already done it in his nappies, he informed me before doing so but when he was seated fairly uncomfortably(I think) on the toilet seat, he started to wriggle and squiggle until he lost his own patience to do it and came to the conclusion that he doesn't like to do it on the toilet: "I don't like it! I don't like it!" Well, now I'm really in trouble.

Why do children like to repeat what they say anyway? They repeat and repeat until you feel like screaming bloody murder and then you become exactly like them: "Yes! Yes! Yes! I heard you the first time! I heard you the first time!" The other mothers tell me that the children just want my attention but what if this happens when I am actually sitting down with them and talking to them or teaching them something and giving them my FULL attention? I do not understand it. I just do not understand it. Very complex these wee people are, compared to we, the big people.

My eldest is ever the attention seeker. He repeats and repeats to get my attention and when he gets it, he starts to act up. He cries harder when I try to console him over something he's upset about and when I finally give up, he starts to sulk. Wow..I'm feeling stressed about it all over again even as I'm typing about it! This just shows how helpless I feel when I'm around these kids. One can't be too lenient and I don't want to be too strict. You have to make tough decisions everyday and I dread to see that day when I suddenly realise that that particular decision I made a long time ago was a horrible, horrible mistake. I wish I can see beforehand how each decision will affect them in the future so that I can think it over and plan my actions. I wish life is like an adventure game book I read a long time ago when I was young, so I can cheat and peep at pages beforehand to stay alive and to make the right decisions to solve the problem.
I wish...

Nevermind. I have been told again and again that in a life such as mine; as a housewife with young children like mine, you sometimes need to just sail in your boat slowly, taking one day at a time, not caring too much about those jutting rocks and simply braving those storms, true, wrecking your boat a bit here and there on the way, and praying hard you will reach your destination. Just never give up, stay strong and pray that the captain of the ship knows what he's doing and that he's gonna help you bail out the water. Fortunately for me, I have a good 'captain' at the helm to stir this wreck of a boat! Looking at my children right now, jumping up and down as their father returns from work, all I can say is that to those women out there who are captain of their own boat and mother to their children, I salute you.

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