Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Making Friends

Making friends is a skill kids learn at a very young age.

So as adults, we should be really good at it since we have had years of practice.


Agreed?


After all, after only 3 years of doing my own cooking and my own baking, I am getting pretty good and more importantly, pretty confident at producing edible stuff from my
kitchen.
So surely at the age of 30+ I should be a master of 'friendship building' and a specialist in 'the art of making friends'?

No, not at all.


It's not the same when it comes to making friends, is it?

Back at home, where one is surrounded by people who speak one's language, practice the same religion and tradition and when one goes to work - surrounded by perhaps, people of the same level of education and skill, one might find it easier to make friends...

...as compared to here, where
one is surrounded by people who doesn't speak one's language, doesn't REALLY practice the same religion and definitely not the same tradition and when one goes to work - surrounded by perhaps, people of the same level of education and skill, but have a different way of doing things, a different way of thinking and definitely different ideals.

Thus, the reason why, over here, one looks for people from one's own country and one's own religion and culture to make friends with.

Most of the time.

Anyway, I do it so that I can cakap Melayu. Bosan la asyik kena cakap omputih je ni..Dengan anak kena cakap omputih, keluar rumah cakap omputih, TV cakap omputih. Internet cakap omputih. Bloody fed up with cakap omputih ni.

I know I can write pretty well in the language but when it comes to speaking it...I tend to be a little bit formal.....I think. And that's no good when you're trying to make friends.

Mr S and I have been trying to increase our circle of Malaysian friends lately. We have a group of people that we're good friends with but we realised a long time ago that we weren't happy to be close to just a few people. We want to have lots of friends and know a variety of people and we want to socialise a lot. What we don't want to do is to belong to a little 'clique'.

The problem is, Mr S and I are both pretty shy and reserved people. I know, Mr S can be clearly seen as a 'shy-guy' but one would never guess that I am the shy type as well. Suffice to say, we have not learnt a lot about making friends at all, all this time.

But both Mr S and I have been 'forcing' ourselves to come out of our shells and honestly, it's been a learning experience.

In the pursuit of new friendships these last few months, we have met quite a few people. We have tried to open up and be friendly - paste a smile on our faces, ask polite questions, try to make conversations - even invited them to our home. Some of the things that we had to do weren't easy for us but we tried.

And it has been good.

It's funny though, how some people just don't want to make friends.

Not many, just a few people we met. These are the types of people, when you meet them at gatherings, they don't put on a friendly face, they don't ask questions about you i.e. they don't show any interest to know you
..they just want to talk to their own circle of friends and can't even be bothered to maniskan muka at you. Some people are just satisfied with their own group of friends, I guess...

But I find it funny lah...

After all kitakan sama-sama duduk di perantauan...ramah2 kan lah mulut and manis-maniskan lah muka tu....It's not such a huge community, after all.

Tak paham sungguh. Tapi..entah2 depa pun malu kot....tak tau lah...

But still, it has been good. I don't know what was the perception of people about me but what's important is that I tried and I quite enjoyed myself.

All I wanna say for now is, bring on more people! I want to improve my lousy friendship
making skills...

He he he..pathetic.

16 comments:

i.j.a said...

cutenya gambar...! same here, gotta improve my friendship making skills. the locals here i think friendlier relative to big cities...btw sedeynya, dah kawan2 baik n best buddies, pastu separated due to lots of factors..mcm malas nak close dgn sapa2...:( logik ke?

Suraya said...

a'kum..i totally understand how u feel...infact, i'm going thru the same situation here.i am malaysian who lives in Australia..i've been following your blog for couple of mths now..i hope u dont mind.I too have been trying to improve my friendship making skills..and am still strungling..

tireless mom said...

Salam Perkenalan TMHIL
Was bloghopping and landed into your blog. In case you are still in the mood of making new friends, I know one Srikandi who has settled down in London. I visited her last year. Kak Zaza batch 81. Check her out. Expand your wings in networking. It is always exciting as we meet new faces.

floweRinthedesert said...

ibah oh ibah. awat tak cakap rindu nak celoteh lam bahasa malaysia (no longer bahasa melayu btw...he he). lepas ni kita borak lam BM on YM k. ;)

i pun jenis org akan anggap sombong first impression. tapi hakikat nye i ni pemalu sgt org nya. im sure u of all ppl know tht by now. after all, you too thought i was such a snob once, right. ha ha

anyways, takpe la org tak manis muka kat u, asal kan u manis kan ur muka yg dah teramat manis tu kat org. heh (Gosh why do i sound weird when trying to 'play around' with words in BM - ha ha). biar kita baik sangka je la kan...like u said, for all u know they too are shy sebenar nya... ;)

Al Khalifah said...

Was searching the net assisting my kids for her school project and accidently yr blog pop up in the search list. Mind if I drop by for a short while?
Your kids should be the bridge for you to widen up yr friendships over there. Been there, done that, and it worked out fine! Act local as you can be...lama lama Ok lah tu!

zalik27@yahoo.com said...

Salam. Over the years, I have improved my skills making friends. I understand your 'predicament' (shall I say that?). Agaknya Allah encourages us to SMILE bukan kerana sebab yg remeh, kan? No wonder when we smile we bersedekah at the same time. Now let us exchange smile.. :-)

somuffins said...

Salam. Orang pemalu memang cam tu. Dari itu.. (cewah), biarlah kita tebalkan muka to make the 1st move. Niat hanya kerana Allah untuk memanjangkan silaturrahim. Goodluck.

halwafy said...

ija: bukan ko yg paling terer buat kwan ke zaman dolu2?? Isn't making friends a skill like swimming or riding a bike..?? U can never forget lah kak..

best buddies ngan sapa pulak ni...?? cik vivi ye? ;)

suraya: Hi there..you're like the 4th person kot yg empathise with me on this entry...there's is a 'friend-magnet' who lives near me...i think what he does is..jumpa org baru ambik their hp numbers..and then cook like crazy and invite them to his place!! he he he..maybe that would work for you too??

tireless mom: Hi there..thanks for dropping by...I know a kak za batch '83 but not kak zaza batch 81...tinggal mana ye..?

Rin:Yeah..baik sangka je lah nak buat camno...but it is distressing jugak when you try and try tapi org tak layan ye tak...?? But don't worry..am not giving up yet!

Al Khalifah: Thanks for the tip, appreciate it..done that too but still need to find more and more people!! ;)

so muffins: Thanks! Dua-dua belah pemalu yg susah tu!! But will certainly add that niat to my 'friends making technique' he he he....

Anonymous said...

Salam

Ni kali kedua i masuk blog u, your writing skill sama ngan ayu lah. i memang suka baca ayu punya blog

all jazzed up said...

dulu kan, in school, awak pun macam shy2 sikit kan... heheheh

tireless mom said...

TMHL

Oooopsss sorry, I meant batch 83. Zakiah the name. Orang Kelantan. We call her Zaza. She is married to John, an Irish. Now has two beautiful daughters. Is that the same kak Za yang you kenal? Tak ingat where she stayed cos we met at my hotel, later makan at Edgeware Rd. Oh, I miss London pulak dah!

Anonymous said...

I duduk London ni malas nak senyum-senyum sangat kat Melayu. Serik. Terkena sekali tu, hamba Allah ni bawa keluarga dia (5 org) pindah dari hotel ke rumah I yang kiut-miut (rumah UK kan kiut-miut sokmo) and stayed almost dua minggu. I tak ajak pun. Tapi dah dtg, kita org Melayu tak kan nak halau. Duduk aja tak pa juga, tapi minta layan macam tetamu/kerabat/keparat. Kalau I kat dapur, satu hamba Allah pun tak dtg tolong. Makan tolong. Clean up buat dono. Ialah we all ada dishwasher. Tlg masuk mesin pun tak leh ke? Living room I kalah pasar mlm penuh beg depa. Last, last I tak tahan, I lupakan adap Melayu and halau aja dia org. The bini had the cheek to say that depa dah tunda flight so that they can stay longer. Ado ko... Macam ni punya Melayu pun ada. Ini salah satu hazard duduk Londonnnn....

farah said...

alamak cuak...hopefully i am not in the latter group...saya pon nak meramai2kan kawan...because as u said it, i don't want to belong to a clique ke ape ke...hehehe

i'm gonna try your famouse carrot cake one of these days kak ibah...wish me luck :X.

-farah-

The Blueberry said...

"These are the types of people, when you meet them at gatherings, they don't put on a friendly face, they don't ask questions about you i.e. they don't show any interest to know you..they just want to talk to their own circle of friends and can't even be bothered to maniskan muka at you. Some people are just satisfied with their own group of friends, I guess..."

OH MY GOD Halwafyyyy you are sooo right!!! I can't tell you how many times I've encountered this situation! Pernah jugak, jadi kat I, we were at a gathering and I was chit-chatting with just about everyone, lelama perasanlah ada sorang-dua yang tak sembang dengan orang pun. Turns out they're new, so I pun dengan baiknya introduce them to people, layan dia sembang, make them feel at home.

Fast forward a few months, I pegi gathering lain yang I tak kenal ramai orang, tapi sorang-dua yang I tolong sebelum ni tu ada. Oh my God, walaupun dia nampak I terkial-kial nak kenal orang kan, dia bukan saja tak hingin nak tolong, tapi tegur kita pun tidak! Memntang dia dah kenal ramai orang kat situ!!!

Grrrrrr...

C K said...

I understand how it is. Have been here in London for the last 18 months or so and there're really pitifully few souls that I can count on even for lunch.

I would have thought that having children (as in your case) would make it much easier with the interactions with other parents, no?

Kak Teh said...

Salam, kalau halwafy sudi berkenalan dengan kak teh, kak teh dengan tangan terbuka akan terima.