Wednesday, December 13, 2006

A Princess? Argh!!!

I freak out whenever I think about it.

A girl? My very own daughter? I just cannot imagine bringing one into this world. It just scares the hell out of me whenever I think about it. I am dead serious and by the way, in case you're wondering, I am not pregnant!

But why, you're asking. Why don't I like girls? It’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard, I'm sure. But there it is. You see, It’s just because I’m scared. I’m just so very afraid that I would not be able to do it 'right'. To bring them up ‘right’, I mean. Because girls are just…ARGHHH…too much to handle!

I should know. I was once upon a time, a girl too, you know.

When I go to my friends’ daughters’ birthday parties and they start calling their little girls ‘princesses’ and going gaga over their sweet little smiles, I shudder. When I see those girls wearing ‘princessy’ dresses, all in pink, I feel nauseous. When these girls start to shriek and giggle, I just want to scream! Why can’t girls be sober and serious and intellectual–like from the age of zero?

And when I surfed through the internet, and looked at pics of girls and young women in Malaysia and how they dress, I start to get palpitations. All that make up, proud display of cleavage, nice and shiny black hair turned brown or even worse, blond, and all those 'oh-so normal’ hugging and kissing between ‘friends’ no matter from which species of the human race they come from. What has happened to those Islamic or at least Malay/Asian values that we were all once brought up with?

A friend who’s working in a large oil and gas company in Malaysia recently told me that the western culture of kissing and hugging one’s friends is pretty rampant amongst the younger executives who have just returned from 'over-seas'. And the company recently was also forced to distribute circulars of a dress ruling to its entire staff because many of these so called overseas educated young executives were wearing skimpy skirts and see-through blouses to the office.

Even the mat salehs here know how to wear decent clothes when going to the office! Only the slutty ones wear those types of clothes! And the question that keeps resurging in my mind is this; what if, what if, my very own daughter turns out to be someone like that..? A cleavage showing, blond bimbo who shrieks and giggles and kisses every 'friend' she meets! Arghhh!!! I may go into cardiac arrest whilst even wondering about it!

You know, when I was a girl, I used to be a bit of a tomboy. But that doesn’t mean that I want my girls to become tomboys. In fact, I dread that too. I just want them to be normal and sober girls who will not insist on pink dresses and tiaras and prefer books and family instead of friends and brand names. Not to mention eager to help me bake and cook in the kitchen, (actually, scrap that, they may leave me alone in my kitchen..) and at the same time, they score all As in their subjects in school and also never forget their prayers and their religion.

Is this possible? If it’s not, then I would rather have 3 more boys to fill the quota if the choice is between that and a girl.

Because I'm scared as hell of raising a daughter.

And that's the truth.


16 comments:

Anonymous said...

oh yeah... and what if your boys start doing that, wear gels on the hair, kiss all their friends of god knows which religion... is that ok with you?? or just coz they are boys they can do anything? or u think u will raise them up good so they won't do it? (if yes, then you can raise ur girls to be good to)

My dear, remember children are like wet clay, they will shape up as u nurture and teach them.

Clay Master (no gelatine) said...

hmm...

1. Nothing wrong with wearing gel as long as it doesn't contain gelatin or animal fat that is not halal.

2. Kissing anyone non-muhrim is haram. I think the paragraph this writer wrote applied to both boys and girls.

3. Don't forget that although the hand that shapes the clay may be the same, the clay may be different. That's why you get beautiful pots and ugly pots from the same artist...

halwafy said...

Anonymous,

There is equal responsibility for every parent to raise both a girl or a boy right, of course. But in this world and age, I feel that there is just much, much more challenge to raising girls.

Whatever it is, if my child is to be a girl next, I hope god will give me the strength to raise her well. I don't want to be too strict with my children, you see, no matter girl or boy, and to make that balance and to uphold it is to me will be quite a challenge.

Plus, if I had a girl, I think my husband will treat her like a princess anyway...(sigh)

Clay Master: No1; tick, No2; tick No3; tick.

It seems that I can't disagree with you :)

jujuqtpie said...

Do you know only this morning I asked my husband to ask .... gee, I'm stuck. I have to backtrack. Remember we went to my hubby's family day? Well the MC is kinda a guy who looks so much like a gal that even I was fooled. If i didn't remember my hubby telling me that the folks there were not politically correct and they called the MC 'sotong' to his face, I wouldn't have deduced the lady who sat across me was actually a guy. And he was wearing sportswear and a cap, so that made it more ambiguous. So let's call him MC. BTW, MC is a nice guy, very friendly and enjoyable to talk to. Kept giving me slimming tips too coz he was trying to lose weight. Now he's a little on the voluptuous side. :)
So I was wondering if he used to play cars or not? What did he like as a child? Could you tell from his childhood likes and dislikes? Could it also be that he's a bit like Mama Juwie who had a choice?

I have both: a boy and a girl. In this day and age where paedophiles have more access to children because of technology, I worry. I worry about their safety, I worry about their self confidence, self esteem, I worry that I could be the reason if their life is messed up. I worry. At the moment, they seem pretty normal. They love books because I bought them books even before they were born and introduced them to books very early. They both play with paper origami stuff. Inez likes to help me in the kitchen. The other day I cooked pucuk manis, I let her pluck the leaves. Haha child labour. I guess if you only expose her to princesses and barbies, and dress them that way, it's not really the child's fault that they become a source of nausea for people. It's the parents' fault! I used to go uwek uwek when i see bald baby girls wearing hairbands! I understand now that these babies' parents only want the world to know that their babies are girls. Get what I mean...the babies don't know any better.

FloweRinTheDesert said...

hahaha why am i not surprised to find this entry on your blog??? ;)

anyways, halwafy my dear, anonymous is right, children are like wet clay. It's up to YOU to shape them up.

And who's to say boys are easy to manage? Bagi I it's the BOYS that you have to really ensure to be strong muslims, for they are the khalifah of Allah, and no matter how 'girlish' or 'getik' a girl is, if she ends up with a good Muslim husband, insyaAllah everything will be ok. Think of it from this angle: if the girls' Daddies yg kuat iman, and nasihat isteri dia, and anak perempuan dia, do you think majority of the girls would turn out the way they did?

To me, baik boys or girls, sama aje. You see the youths nowadays for eg, there are a bundle of male gays out there, my SIL told me the other day she saw right in front of her eyes, two malay guys kissing FULL on FRENCH in the car. And look at the number of drug addicts. Most of them Malay guys and muslims.

So really, if you want to start on the worrying, whether it be boys OR girls, sama je...

halwafy said...

Nau'zubillah on the gay part tu!!!

You guys are definitely right...I guess it's just because I see malay girls here (budak2 muda)and in the internet, semua perangai tak berapa sedap mata memandang these last few weeks. I got quite a fright.

But 1 thing for sure, dosa anak perempuan tu bapak dia kena tanggung sampai dia kawin, whereas, for boys, bila akil baligh, dia tanggung sendiri..right? So I've always felt that girls ni tanggungjawab besar sikit dari boys.

And juju, you are right..they are what we make them...although, I have to say, byk jugak case2 kat msia yg I dgr mak bapak dah ajar agama pun, boleh jadi sesat. Scary...so to me, girls are different, although we give them what we can in terms of agama etc, girls tend to be more emotional..so..what more can I say, I think I have due cause to worry!

jujuqtpie said...

Same sentiment here. Nau'zubillah on the gay part though i doubt that MC was gay. Some people don't look gay but they are, so, for me, that's even scarier.
Abt agama, I think probably cara ajaran tu tak betul. You can't force religion down our children's throats. Children have to understand what they are getting into. There is no point going through the rituals without true understanding and belief.
That is why we see so many Muslim youths so easily swayed from the teachings of Islam. Being born a Muslim does not a good Muslim make. We have to understand we have choices and what the best choice is for us; and that is why one of the syarat/ requirements of being a Muslim is aqal.
But yeah, Flowerin is right. We have to make sure our sons understand what their roles in life is. Same goes for the girls. That's why I worry. Parents really do play a very vital role in a child's upbringing. Some girls grow up looking for father figures to compensate for what they lacked in their childhood. Some children are what they are because we are their rolemodels or because we never taught them otherwise. It's so scary to know that the future of our kids lies in our hands.
So, moral of the story, parents, it's your duty to make sure your kids grow up right bcoz the WAY you advise, and discipline and teach your kids determine how they turn out later on.
Oh by the way, I keep forgetting the peach cobbler recipe. Will definitely have to put that darn book in my car if that's the first thing I have to do when I get home. Remember patience is a virtue. Hahahaha. Sorry ye.

Working Mom said...

boys or girls - they are gifts from allah :) who's to say we could choose? who's to say we can really know for sure how they turn out? all of you are sooo right and we do have cause to worry with the degrading society today. i guess our main weapon is doa ... i do pray for my kids to live and die as good muslims and pray that i teach them enough to differentiate between right and wrong.

halwafy said...

The mothers have spoken...he he

Thank you guys. I really appreciate your comments because I was really feeling a little 'disturbed' and worried when I wrote this entry. But I take working mom's words: Children are a gift from Allah and yes, I have always, always believed in the doa of a mother. As to juju's opinion as to the way some parents teach Islam is wrong, I do pray everyday that I'm bring up my children THE RIGHT WAY and in a GOOD WAY, coz, who's to know that what we are doing is right? Different kids react to things differently...it's scary to think that what we think is right now may have an adverse effect to the child in a future..nauzubillah.

Glad I have friends like you guys and flowerin who are supportive and
sensible...thanks.

Working Mom said...

just wanted to share this line from the Quran

"have faith in Allah and God will give you peace of mind"

i can't remember which surah and ayat exactly but i always remember this when i get too worried and it does calm me :) and i read somewhere that Allah only test us to the limit which we are capable of handling. i guess that's why you got boys first, should you get a girl later, higher chances she'll like cars than dolls :)

halwafy said...

working mom,
I really don't mind if my daughter(s) like(s) dolls...I just don't want to encourage her to be too mengada..like some girls that I have seen..which I really, really cannot stand..:(

tu je..thanks again for the above, have heard it before but always glad to be reminded - a great consolation and something to think abt..

By the way, people...do you like the video I just put up?

Lena said...

I like the video...

halwafy said...

Lena: Oh goody, somebody likes it. I've always liked that story and that song...:)nytoy

Working Mom said...

halwafy: i know what you mean about mengada girls .... i can't stand girls like that too! hope mimi and all the girls we are going to have dun become like that :)

the video is taking too long to load on my pc ... am just catching glimpse of shahrukh khan ... so no comment on that.

u stayed in pantai hillpark? when and which phase? i used to stay there too ... we might have just cross path before and never knew it :)

halwafy said...

Working mom, I stayed in Phase 2 but not for long because we then went to the UK for my husband's masters. That was in 2001...and you?

Anonymous said...

hi there,
personally i feel dat theres no difference in raising a son or a daughter. not dat ive had an experience raising kids (im still in my late teens actually) but from my observation throughout the years.

i guess it all depends on the parents themselves. how they bring up their children, regardless a boy or a girl.

i understand ur concern when u pointed out about those girls w ugly behaviours - cleavage showing, giving casual kisses on their frens' cheeks etc..

but i think u r juz giving ur opinions based on biased perspectives.

juz fyi, there are girls out there-blond bimbo(as wat u mentioned) or those wearing skimpy skirts that i know of who r religiously praying 5times a day & turned out to be a respectable human being.

and fr my observation, there are A LOT of those hijab wearing (so-called pious looking women) whos attitudes are worse than a slut..
drinking, sleeping around, backstabbing etc but at the end of d day, these ppl are 'safe' cus nobody will even believe what they hav done cus sad to say, most msians are like u..thinking only the slutty looking ones are bad but the hijab wearing ones are too good..

im juz giving my opinion based on my observation. i myself wear hijab but sometimes i feel dat i should at least give some good credits to those slutty looking girls..get to know them and ull see how suci their hearts are..